Tuesday, January 29, 2013

What's Your Score?

Imagine this scenario: You are on a second or third date with someone and he asks you for your credit score.

According to a trend piece on Today this morning, asking for a potential mate's credit score is the new thing in dating. (You can watch the clip on Today.com. Scroll until you find the video from 9:15 am).

If you read Gary Shteyngart's Super Sad True Love Story, then you probably immediately thought of his satirical novel. In the novel, women wear Onionskin jeans. (Kim Kardashian has already helped usher in this harbinger of the apocalypse). If you go out in public, you can immediately see on your "Apparatus" (iPhones have nothing on this thing) the reactions of the people around you as they weigh in on your hotness, personality, and "fuckability."  The Apparatus also monitors your heart and blood pressure. It calculates your attraction to someone else based on your personal history.

Telephone poles have been replaced with credit poles. As you pass it, your credit score is transmitted to it by your Apparatus (required to be on your person at all times) and flashes on a display for everyone to see.

As the official Web site for the book reads, the near future is "let's say next Tuesday."

According to Today, there now are dating sites that are based largely on revealing and asking for credit scores of potential dates.

One man, interviewed while working out in a gym - do you even lift, bro? - said fiscal responsibility was sexy. He needs to know if a date has the credit score required to build a life with him.

Is this really what we're doing now?

What about all the other areas of compatibility? Shall we just go ahead and get all those questions out of the way on date #2 as well?

Penis measurements? (Did someone tell you size doesn't matter?)

Do you have hair on your back?

How much money is in your savings account?

Do you have a 401k?

Do you listen to Nickleback?

Do you have mommy issues?

What were your last 20 searches on Google?

Do you have a family history of diabetes? Do you pronounce it "the dia-beet-us"?

What questions would you like to ask upfront?


  1. Oh no, Nickelback is a first-date question. And a dealbreaker.

  2. I absolutely love that gif of Brittany Spears. Thats a Shreveport look if I ever saw one. "Ewwww something smells and why is your credit score so low, you must listen to Nickelback"

    1. I think I'll get a lot of use out of that gif in future posts.

  3. Do you renounce Satan, all his works, and all his empty promises?


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