Friday, December 21, 2012

Friday's Random Thoughts - Am I The Only One?

I've noticed that, in the comments beneath almost any story ever published online, at least one commenter will begin with this: "Am I the only one..."

The person is then likely to launch into some observation such as:

"Am I the only one who doesn't think George Clooney is all that?"

"Am I the only one who has never been interested in Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit?"

"Am I the only one who knows exactly how to raise children to be perfectly behaved, knows exactly what I'd do in any given crisis, knows exactly how to fix the problems of every person to ever make a mistake? In other words, am I the only one who is perfect?"

The perfect people of the Internet strike again. And again and again and again.

Answers to the above:



Yes, you are a perfectly sanctimonious douchestocking.*

*Merry Christmas.

People are desperate to belong. Am I the only one who feels this way? I'm the only one, right? I'm all alone! OH MY GOD, I'M THE ONLY ONE.

(No, friends. Melissa Etheridge is the only one. You are one of many.)

It certainly does feel that way sometimes, but please calm down, little ones. There's not one of us out here who has feelings that are unique. Even serial killers are not alone. There's a whole bunch of them. Doesn't that make you feel better?

This lack of uniqueness is why comedy works, because people can turn to each other and say, "Ha! That's hilarious because it's TRUE!"

That's also why drama works, in books or on the screen. We have all felt the feelings. You are not alone.
But, in the spirit of Internet commentary, today's FRT is all about seeking solidarity. In other words, do you feel me, brother?
You're the only one who understands me.
Am I the only one who thinks Big Bang Theory is a shitty show? It was nominated for a Golden Globe. Now, I understand Golden Globe nominations don't actually mean anything (remember that time The Tourist was nominated), but seriously? Big Bang Theory is one of the best shows on TV? I think not. It's one notch less moronic and boring than Two and a Half Men.

Am I the only one who can't believe Parks & Recreation gets no awards-show love? COME ON!

Am I the only one who lied about actually finishing The Hobbit in my high school English class?

Am I the only one who thinks anyone who begins a sentence with the words, "I'm not a gynecologist..." should then proceed to shut the fuck up about women's issues he knows nothing about? Am I the only one who read this story and felt like my head was going to explode? If you don't want to read the story - and you don't - here's what this complete asshat of a judge said: “I’m not a gynecologist, but I can tell you something. If someone doesn’t want to have sexual intercourse, the body shuts down. The body will not permit that to happen unless a lot of damage in inflicted, and we heard nothing about that in this case. That tells me that the victim in this case, although she wasn’t necessarily willing, she didn’t put up a fight.”

What? WHAT?

If you read the story, you find out the assailant threatened to mutilate the victim's face and vagina with a heated screwdriver.

So, Judge Derek G. Johnson, this woman likely didn't fight back because the ASSAILANT THREATENED TO MUTILATE HER FACE AND VAGINA WITH A HEATED SCREWDRIVER.

Am I the only one who wonders what schools are teaching people? Where is this "shuts down" shit being taught to boys? Boys who then grow into the most astoundingly ignorant men?

Am I the only one who wants to do this?

Am I the only one who wants this song to play on a loudspeaker while I walk down the street?

Am I the only one who cannot really handle all the gun talk? My counselor once asked me what I would do if I ever had to hear a shotgun going off again. I said that I didn't really know, but I didn't think my reaction would be a good one. Turns out I don't need the sound. The nonstop mention of guns is too much. My post-traumatic stress cannot handle it. Am I the only one who wants everyone to please shut up?

Am I the only one who is tired of all the blame being thrown around for last Friday? I'll share a story. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I did to cause August 3, 2009. "A lot of time" is an understatement. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I could have done to prevent it. One day, I said to my counselor that if it was my fault that would also mean that I was in control. A large part of why I blamed myself was because I wanted to feel like I could control what happened to me. "But if it's not my fault," I said to her, "then that means I have no control. It means that at any time a man with a gun can trap you in a room and make you watch him die." And she said, not unkindly, "That's right."

Am I the only one who needs desperately for people to understand this?

Am I the only one who thinks that maybe what everyone should be rushing out to buy, instead of guns, are books? That's right. Read a little more. Learn what other people's lives are like. Begin to understand that humanity is complex. Begin to learn that empathy is key. Begin to understand the difference between your and you're.

Am I the only one who is sincerely exhausted by the abundant stupidity on display day after day? Do these idiots seriously not know the difference between wrapping and raping?!

Am I the only one who cries like a broken-hearted teenage girl whenever I hear this song? The other day, Tina said, "Why do Christmas songs make you cry?" I said, "Because they're fucking sad, that's why!"

Am I the only one who uses the F word way too often and pretends to feel ashamed of it? But I don't. No shame.

Am I the only one who is sick to death of getting to the end of a year and saying, "Next year has to be better"?

Am I the only one who seriously needs that to be true?


  1. You are not the only one. Which means, you are not alone, EVER!! Don't forget that. Great post today. I love Vodka Cranberry Clooney!!

  2. I FEEL YOU!!! Thanks to VCC none of us have to be the only one alone!
    Excuse me while I TOTALLY blast "Hate on Me" now.

  3. Shouldn't be no shame in yo game sister. F'm don't let them haters hate on you baby.....First time I've heard that song and I love it. I'm not really into drag but I want to find a big teased out afro wig and walk around my house like Jill Scott all day being an empowered badass. And for the record that is a really sad Christmas Song and then you've got Judy Garland singing. Judy was probably so hopped up on dolls and booze that she thought the little girl under her was a munchkin and she was back on the set of the Wizard of Oz. Great piece and I'm sorry to hear about what you went through.

  4. Am I the only one that can't think straight or write about how I feel, because I just don't know? Sigh ... You aren't alone, Christmas songs always make me cry, I actually just cried over the new Apple ad on TV with the girl singing I'll Be Home For Christmas to her Grandfather on Skype. It's an emotional and overwhelming time of year. I always hang on to that "Things will be better in the New Year" ... because we have to have hope VCC ...lots of hope. I hope you and your family have a Merry Christmas *hugs*

  5. Am I the only one who hates raping Christmas presents??


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.