1. Nicholas Sparks is a hack.
2. Isn't this the same plot as Sleeping with the Enemy?
3. A stranger giving you a bike is only not creepy if the stranger is a totally hot guy. Sorry, not hot guys, that's just the way the world works. If you're not hot, keep your free bike to yourself, please.
4. Hot guys are even hotter if their wives are dead. Sorry, wives of hot guys, that's just the way the world works, so could you please die already?
5. If you're going to show us yet another romantic canoe ride, Ryan Gosling better be in that canoe. Sorry, husband of Fergie, you're no Ryan Gosling.
6. Ooh, I have a mysterious past that makes me deep and wounded. Can you see it when I wear my bikini?
7. Oh, it's raining in a chick flick? Time to go outside and make out.
8. Nicholas Sparks is a hack. (It bears repeating.)
A Very Special Lifetime Christmas Movie Starring Me