Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Clooney Tuesdays - The George Clooney Manifesto

Let's talk about how life isn't fair.

Let's talk about how some folks in Hollywood have completely stolen my blog's founding philosophy and have sold it to Fox.

The George Clooney Manifesto,  a sitcom, is now in development. Here's the story: "Written/co-executive produced by playwright Annie Hendy (The Catholic Girl’s Guide To Losing Your Virginity), The George Clooney Manifesto centers on a single woman who, sick of the “shoulds” and “should nots” of society’s double standards about dating, decides from this point on she is going to act like George Clooney and live life to the fullest."

"Wait a minute. Who elected you leader of this outfit?" "Well Pete, I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain't the consensus view, then hell, let's put it to a vote."

(Let's talk about how Vodka Cranberry Clooney is a better name because it's more evocative and it involves vodka.)

The show is executive produced by director-producer Mark Waters (Mean Girls and Freaky Friday).

The least these rip-off artists could do is hire me as a consultant or a writer. Pretty please.

I mean, how many times have I written about George? If my labels on the blog are correct, the number is 78. (That seems low considering there are 365 days in a year. But it also seems totally reasonable, i.e. I am not a stalker.)

How many times have I managed to tie George into real-life events and given them a deeper meaning? Like here. Or here. Or here. Or this one.

In fact, I have managed to tie together the zombie apocalypse and George Clooney and everyday stresses all in one post. In this post, I used a term I coined: "The George Clooney Conundrum." I have used the phrase "George Clooney Conundrum" multiple times, in this blog and in my memoir.

See, Annie and Mark, I know how to partner George's name with a big word that seems ultra-meaningful.

And yet, here I am, toiling away in obscurity.

You should hire me, Annie and Mark. If you do, I won't tell anyone that you clearly stole your TV show's guiding premise from a romantic comedy starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis.

I feel like crying.

Let's talk about how my life is going nowhere.

In other news, I do not believe stories I read about celebrities, especially when those stories quote other celebrities like all famous people are just hanging out by the lockers after school. So I'm taking this one with a grain of salt.

Clooney got cold feet after he and Stacy celebrated their first anniversary as a couple, so (Julia) Roberts rushed to the rescue.
“When Julia heard that George was about to end the relationship before it got too serious, she told him Stacy’s a great girl, that he should latch on to her, and that he was too old to keep playing the field,” an insider revealed.
“She even told George he should marry Stacy and start a family."

I feel it must be said: No one gives a shit what you think, Julia Roberts.

And one more thing. I have no problem with George continuing to date Stacy Keibler.

But if George Clooney gets married, I will burn down America.

That's all.

Happy Clooney Tuesday, y'all.


  1. I have a story for you. It's part of my memoir so it would be impossible to paste it here, but you need to read it, I swear. Do you have an email address to which I can send it? Or how about you just email me at widelawns@gmail.com and I'll reply with it. I promise I'm not a lunatic stalker.

    1. Thanks for the story. I'm still cracking up about it. I want to read your memoir!

  2. ...just a very rational and reasonable stalker. ;)

    1. No need to get a restraining order, George. No need at all.

  3. I will assist in burning down America.


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