Here's the phone I've been carrying since 2009.
It takes calls.
It makes calls.
It receives texts.
It sends texts.
Let me think.
OH! It doesn't ever butt dial anyone because it's a flip phone.
It's broken so sometimes when I flip it open to make a call, the back pops off, the phone turns itself off, and I just take it as a sign from the universe that I am not supposed to call or text that person.
It never, ever accidentally tweets topless photos of me for the world to see. (How the hell does that happen? Never mind. I don't want to know.)
A flip phone is like an antique.
That's it. It's vintage.
'Cause I'm cool like that.
Now you kids get off my lawn!