Tuesday, September 4, 2012

George Clooney Reviews Vodka Cranberry Clooney

Inspired by bestselling author RJ Ellory, who was busted for posting glowing reviews of his own books on Amazon, I decided to provide my blog visitors with a list of positive blurbs from some of my readers. Because let's face it: Stephen Colbert was right when he spoke of "truthiness." This world is a big, turning, teeming, steaming pile of fiction and farce. Might as well play the game, my friends. Facts are so '87. 1887.


"Amy is brilliant at being obsessed with me without making a restraining order necessary. I appreciate that." - George Clooney

Happiness is this blog.

"Vodka Cranberry Clooney is full of wisdom and the F word. You vodkacranmotherfuckers know I love the F word." - Samuel L. Jackson

"VCC makes me want to date Amy." - Louis C.K.

"VCC makes me want to date Amy." - Tom Hiddleston

"VCC makes me want to date Amy." - Angelina Jolie

"Amy Bickers is my spirit animal." - Tina Fey

"No one starts a classics-reading challenge quite like Amy Bickers. Does it matter that she won't actually finish it? No, because she already read Anna Karenina. And she did so without lapsing into a Russian-farming-induced coma." - Leo Tolstoy

"Hey girl. Much like George Costanza in the bathroom, I take off my shirt to read Vodka Cranberry Clooney." - Ryan Gosling

"I once tweeted Amy. It made her day. That speaks well of her." - bestselling author Colson Whitehead

"Vodka Cranberry Clooney is even more badass than AMC's "Hey, Fuck You, Dish Network!" campaign. She's done more to recruit Breaking Bad viewers than Heisenberg has done for the 99.9-percent-pure meth market." - Aaron Paul

"I'm so invested in Vodka Cranberry Clooney that I'd really like to climb right inside Amy's uterus and tell her how to manage her personal business." - Paul Ryan

"I love everyone but...sometimes I think Amy is a little too honest and forthcoming with her opinions." - Jesus


  1. I lol'd hard. That picture of Jesus is no longer accurate though. He now has a round head and monchichi haircut.

    1. You're right, but Accurate Jesus just doesn't have the joie de vivre, the je ne sais quoi of Thumbs Up Jesus. Accurate Jesus looks like a real downer. I like my Jesus to be high on life with just the slightest touch of douchebaggery.

      Man, I'm seriously going to hell.


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