Monday, September 17, 2012

First World Money Problems

Listen, America, it's becoming more difficult to listen to your constant bitching and moaning about money.

Why?

Because now I know that last year, you spent $310 million on Halloween costumes...

FOR.

YOUR.

PETS.

We're on a mission from God.

I'm going to murder you in your sleep. I'm not even joking.

I already peed on your new duvet cover. 

You should sleep with one eye open, my friend.

"I am so fried." "Oh, shut up, Sonny." "Hey, what's your beef?" "Seriously, Sonny, I'll fuck you up."

I live with total assholes.

Awww, you say? You won't say that when you see what I threw up on the sofa.

What are you trying to say, man? That I'm a wiener? 

I used the force to chew up her favorite pair of heels. 
If you take this off me now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you. 

You've dressed your chihuahua as a taco. Yeah, you're so hilarious. 


"I'm like a Sid Vicious for a new generation." - Avril Lavigne




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