Friday, June 8, 2012

Stupid People Say Stupid Things

I took Kate to get a manicure this evening. While I waited for her, I read a copy of the latest People from the stack of magazines on the table next to the nail polish display.

Inside, there was this gem of a quote from one of the dancers on Dancing With the Stars:

“Friends told me it was a must-read, so I finally gave in and bought it. It’s definitely the kind of book that makes you blush, yet it’s so well written." - Karina Smirnoff on Fifty Shades of Grey

She's from another country, right? English isn't her first language, right? Or maybe she's had a lobotomy.

I can't take this anymore.

I know I'm starting to obsess about this. But, dammit, I have spent almost my entire life reading everything I could get my hands on. I have spent three-plus decades trying to write stories worth reading.

And all you assholes across America just want to read crap! Wasn't it bad enough when you were all swooning over Twilight?

Listen, people, Fifty Shades of Grey does not have even one sentence of good writing.

If you think it does, you are too stupid to know me.

Am I judging you? Yes, I am. I don't want there to be any confusion about that.

Good day, dummies. I said good day.


  1. THIS. I literally just read this post aloud to my husband. He has a crush on you now.

    1. haha Awesome! I like men who appreciate women who rant and curse too much.

  2. If one more person tells me how good these books are, I just might have to kill them. I broke down and read the first one. Really I just wanted to see what all the hype was about and I needed a legitimate reason to complain about the books. It was terrible. Aside from the poor writing, I wanted to slap both main characters for being so damned whiny. Ugh! I will NOT be reading the rest of the series.

    1. Everything you just said here could also describe why I read "Twilight" and how I felt about it afterward.

  3. The faith I have in you as a writer and critic, I wouldn't read that damn trash book if someone gave it to me!!!!! I'm reading "Unbroken" about real life people and real heroes; I don't have time for lousy writing....
    (Wonder where you learned to rant so well...hmm)

  4. Since I read ALL of the Twilight books and couldn't stop reading them even for a short trip to church and back on Sundays, I guess I'm among the millions too stupid to know you.


    I guess this is the end of the line for us. "You've reached your friendship destination, enjoy 50 Shades of Grey"...OH I WILL.


    1. My comment about the stupidity refers to Fifty Shades of Grey, not Twilight. (Although, yes, I found those books to be excruciatingly boring, not to mention that they romanticize the idea of a person attempting suicide to get the attention of the person who has left her. Huh, wonder why I might find that disgusting and ridiculous and NOT romantic?)
      Why don't you read Fifty Shades of Grey first before you talk about our friendship destination and then get back to me? If you think it's excellent writing...well, I really can't help you there.


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