Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Important Lessons from Cosmopolitan

Yesterday evening, I treated myself to a manicure and pedicure. I have a job interview today and I want to feel confident and put-together, unlike my usual self who hasn't purchased new clothes in more than a year, avoids haircuts and professional nail care, and wears a uniform of yoga pants and workout tops. (In my defense, I actually do work out.)

Anyway, while I was sitting in the pedicure chair, I read a recent issue of Cosmopolitan. It was the only magazine nearby. Wow. I'd forgotten how chock-full of nonsensical sex tips it is.

Here's my favorite lesson from that particular issue:

In order to attract a man, you should strike a pose. Not just any pose. This pose:

That's right. You should present your ass to him.
I just met you and this is crazy, but here's my ass. So call me maybe.
This has long been the go-to pose of Victoria's Secret models who, frankly, don't have half the ass of Marilyn Monroe or Betty Grable:
Listen, I know it's going to be awkward, ladies, but this is what Cosmo thinks you should do. I'm sure everyone around you won't think at all that you are a raging idiot.

Just for fun, here's an illustration of what The Avengers would look like if they followed the advice of Cosmo:
Man, the Hulk is really into it. I think he's even making a duckface. Go, Hulk. Cosmo approves.

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