OK, it's not a real cover. But it's better than that stupid "Are You Mom Enough?" cover from last week.
You know George's teat yielded something like $15 million to the Obama reelection campaign, right? That's a lot of nutrients.
If you "google" the term "limousine socialism" from this fake cover's fake blurb, the first thing that comes up is a definition of "limousine liberals." I guess we're just taking the phrase a step farther to socialism to fit in with this era's version of the Red Scare. Socialism is the new communism.
"Limousine liberals" are people who go on about saving the planet, yet ride around in SUVs and own private jets. Or that's what I learned from Wikipedia: "Limousine liberal is a pejorative American political term used to illustrate perceived hypocrisy by a political liberal of upper class or upper middle class status; including calls for the use of mass transit while frequently using limousines or private jets, claiming environmental consciousness but driving low MPG sports cars or SUVs, or ostensibly supporting public education while actually sending their children to private schools."
News flash: People are hypocrites. People are all "Do what I say, not what I do" and "What would Jesus do? Other than give away all his stuff to help the poor and love one another because those won't work for me. But can I judge people? That's the one I like!"
And it's on all sides. There's certainly no doubt about that.
And not to go all magazine editor on something silly, but the blurb and image don't really work together. Shouldn't it be Obama (government) nursing George (privileged elite)? Isn't the blurb saying that government is the nanny or, a better term, the wet nurse?
Or is the point that government wants to suckle at the breast of the 1 percent?
I'd be sending this back for an edit.
It did make me laugh out loud, though.
Craig T. Nelson Is Confused
On a related note, this is my favorite example of dumb ass hypocrisy of late:
"I've been on food stamps and welfare. Anybody help me out? No."
The truth of it is that it is not going to be bird flu or bat flu or some man-made virus that causes the zombie apocalypse.
Cognitive dissonance is the illness that plagues us, exhausts us, makes us give up, makes us hungry for brains. Because, clearly, brains are in short supply.
Things That Are Wrong With the World (Jessica Edition)
1. Jessica Simpson is being paid $800,000 by People Magazine for the first photos of her daughter, Maxwell Drew. There are a lot of things wrong with this, but let's boil it down to this thing: Magazines never should have started paying celebrities for this shit.
2. Jessica Alba is a liar. "I don't really care about my body image anymore because it just doesn't matter now that I have children."
Now, in addition to trying to figure out if you are "Mom enough," you should also feel bad that you worry about your body. Nothing should matter now that you have given birth to little angels. Please. I care about my body image. I have two wonderful children and yet, somehow, I am still a person who worries about her soft stomach and wide hips. I wish I was as evolved as Jessica Alba, who has come to terms with her body and accepts it just as it is, no matter how thin and fantastic it might be. Nope. Doesn't matter.
3. The price of Jessica Biel's backpack would pay my mortgage for three months and still leave me with $500 to put toward the next month's payment.
Apparently, she tweeted a photo of herself wearing a backpack from Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's fashion line, The Row. This is how I learned that there are backpacks that cost $3,900. (No worries. Jessica didn't pay for it. It was a gift. This is how the world works. Famous, rich folks don't pay for anything ever.)
Then I learned this: There is another version of the backpack that comes in crocodile skin. It looks like this:
It costs $39,000. That would pay my mortgage for almost three years.
I once had a backpack that looked a lot like this. I believe I received it free with a subscription to Marie Claire.