Thursday, May 10, 2012

I'm Going To Pretend Everything is OK

Today is May 10, the day George Clooney is hosting a fundraising event for President Obama at Clooney's home in California. If you saw this or this, then you know that I could have gone if only someone had given me $40,000 or if I'd won the contest.

I did not win. And no one gave me $40,000.

So a lot of people are going to have cocktails at George Clooney's house tonight, but I'm not one of them.


I'm going to pay a plumber, yet again, to fix something that my ex-husband could have easily fixed if he wasn't stupid and dead. Do you know how much it sucks to be reminded of someone every time there is a plumbing issue? Because there are always plumbing issues. Are you thinking of buying a house? Don't. It's highly overrated. I wish Charles had been something for which I have no use, like a Baptist preacher or a Fox News employee.

I'm going to pretend I am only reminded of Charles when plumbing issues come up, that I don't think about him and his horrible death within twenty minutes of waking up each day.

I'm going to do laundry. I realized the other day that life is little more than a never-ending series of laundry loads. Is that a sad way to look at life? Probably. But, news flash, sometimes I'm sad.

I'm going to start reading Zone One by Colson Whitehead. Zone One is a post-apocalyptic horror novel about what happens after a worldwide pandemic. Humanity is divided into two types of people: the living and the living dead. I'm quite certain we're already living in that sort of world.

I'm going to try not to get worked up about ignorant fools on Facebook, people who wonder how they will explain to their children about same-sex marriage.
I'm going to try not to respond by telling them how unbelievably stupid they are.

Guess what? You tell your children this: Some men love other men. Some women love other women. These people want to spend their lives together and have the same rights as other married couples. I explained this to my children years ago and here was their response: "Oh. OK."

And they went on with their lives.

How difficult is that?

I mean, how did you explain marriage to your child in the first place? Did you get into some graphic explanation of sex? Probably not. So how about you calm down?

As a matter of fact, worried parents, how did you explain to your children when you got divorced? Did you spell out how one of you cheated on the other one? Did you explain all the sanctity of that whole damn thing? Yeah, everyone knows. It's no big secret.

So how about you get over yourself?

I have had to tell my children awful things, things that truly did affect their lives. But you are worried about how to explain to your children that people want to get married because they LOVE one another? Seriously, fuck you.

I'm going to try again not to get worked up about ignorant fools on Facebook.

I'm going to give up and simply unfriend ignorant fools on Facebook. Sorry. Your opinion that all people shouldn't have equal rights isn't a political position. It's just an admission that you are the type of person who would have done this in the 60s:
I'm going to share this chart so you can show it to your children and ask them which of these traditional, biblical marriages they'd like most: 
Click to enlarge

I'm going to share this link about George Clooney's effect on office printers that my friend Emily shared with me. I'm going to admit that I may have once or twice used the printers at the Southern Living offices to print out photos of George Clooney to post to my bulletin board. Truthfully, I really didn't have to print out photos. People constantly brought me magazines if they had Clooney on the cover. This is what my office looked like after I cleared it out. I left this magazine cover behind, a little something to remember me by:

I'm going to fix pork chops, rice, and cream of mushroom soup for dinner.

I'm going to have one of these for dessert:


  1. Bristol Palin's comment got me all crazy yesterday, so I feel your blog post!

    I almost feel bad for the right that their most covered response to this has been from a fame-whoring teen mom...fame-whoring being the worst part of that classification, in my opinion.

    1. Every time I tried to craft some sort of response to Bristol Palin's stupidity, I just started sputtering like a madwoman! I just want to say to her, "Bristol, honey, do you understand what "thousands of years of thinking" means? Do you know what women's lives were like a thousand years ago? You would have been stoned to death or forced to marry Levi and be subservient to him! You MORON!" sputter, sputter, curse, curse, sputter.

      Sometimes I think if I was a comic book character, I'd be the Hulk, a big green rage monster!

  2. I love this post. That is all.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.