Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Baby Names and Household Goods

I'm sure you've heard the news that, after 22 months of gestation, Jessica Simpson gave birth to a baby girl. Like Jessica, I also gave birth to a 9 1/2 + pound baby, so I know firsthand that Jessica deserves this:
If the coverage of this latest celebrity spawning miracle is anything like that of Beyonce and Jay-Z's daughter, you might want to order this shirt I designed for that special occasion.
Anyway, if you've heard the glorious news, then you've likely heard that Jessica's daughter has been named Maxwell Drew. I'm not here to judge. Name your kids whatever you want. I would love to see a huge trend of little girls with names like Sherman and Herman and Floyd and Oscar and Felix.

Hell, I'm really waiting for the day when we can sell baby naming rights to sponsors. My children, Heinz 57 and Little Dijonaisse, are notorious freeloaders and they damn sure need to bring in some income.

I was wondering, however, how Jessica chose this particular name. I had this blast from the past and remembered how Jon Cryer's character came up with his name in the '80s movie Hiding Out.

This is similar to how Nicolas Cage came up with his last name in City of Angels.


"What's your last name?"

"You know my last name."

"I don't."

(Looks around kitchen) "Plate."

"Seth Plate?"


Actually, that would make an excellent boy's name, Jessica. Just something to keep in mind for next time.



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