Friday, March 30, 2012

The Crush List (The Happiness Challenge Day 30)

Obviously, I am someone who enjoys having crushes on people I do not know. I find crushes are way more fun this way. If you have a crush on someone you know, all you ever figure out is that instead of a "crush" it should be called a "smashed into smithereens." Also, if you don't know the person, they can never destroy your adolescent fantasies with reality. Blech. Reality - who needs it?

George Clooney

My crush on George Clooney is well-known and well-documented. I am aware this crush is shared by millions of other women in the world. I don't know who these bitches are, but they should just back off. George is mine. I have a long-range plan that is already working. Basically, George and I become connected in the minds of everyone so that when he is mentioned, you think of me (it's worked on you, hasn't it?). Eventually, this phenomenon spans the globe until everyone does this. And one day in the future, George will wake up, look in the mirror and think, "Amy Bickers."

This plan might involve some elderly dementia on George's part.

George is incredibly handsome, but what makes him crush-worthy is his fantastic personality, his sense of humor, his charm, and his determination to do something that leaves the world a better place. I've had friends attempt to fix me up with men who supposedly look like George Clooney. I met one of these men last year and, while I could see the resemblance, his personality was not for me. No thanks. Looks aren't enough. You have to have the whole package. Like my pretend boyfriend George.

Neil deGrasse Tyson

The other day at lunch with Todd and Chris, I revealed another crush I have. This one is on Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist, author, and first occupant of the Frederick P. Rose Directorship of the Hayden Planetarium. Despite the hate mail he's received from children (oh, you kids) about his insistence at the planetarium that Pluto not be identified as the ninth planet, Neil is totally lovable. (Eventually, the I.A.U. categorized Pluto as a "dwarf planet.") If you watch The Daily Show or The Colbert Report regularly, you've probably seen him. If you know your Internet memes, you'll recognize him from this one:

Neil deGrasse Tyson is seriously badass.
Here's an adorable GIF of him:

Watch this video featuring him and if it doesn't make you cry a little bit and ponder your role in this vast universe, then you might want to see the Wizard about getting a heart.

Just for fun, here's what NDT looked like in the 80s.
I will crush you with my knowledge.
Here's a photo of NDT this year. How often do you come across someone who is incredibly intelligent, who works every day at solving the great mysteries of this world and beyond, and who takes so much joy in it? I think that's what does it for me - the pure, unadulterated joy. Look at all we can learn! Look at all there is to discover! There is nothing better than that enthusiastic determination to wring every bit of knowledge we can from this world.
Hey, there's Pluto!

The Obamas

I have a couple crush on Barack and Michelle. They have the sort of marriage I admire. They're both intelligent. They seem to laugh a lot. You get the feeling they enjoy one another. (I hate to break it to some of you married folks, but a lot of you do not seem to enjoy one another at all.) This isn't about politics. This is just about seeing a highly successful couple who have been together for years, who are raising two daughters with common sense and kindness, who exude love and support for each other. They present themselves as a team. If there is any reason to be married, shouldn't it, at the very least, be to have someone who is on your team, who is your partner?

I also like that they clearly tease one another. That's always the sign of a good couple. Can you tease each other? Do you have inside jokes? Do you laugh? Laughter is the best aphrodisiac I know.

Barack Obama's campaign offers a lot of opportunities to win a dinner with the president. I've thought of donating $3 so I can enter. But I'm only going if Michelle is going to be there, too.

This Guy I Used To Work With
OK, so occasionally I do develop crushes on people I actually know in real life. It doesn't happen often. This particular crush came at just the right time for me. I was newly divorced and quite certain I would never think about dating again. And, truly, I did not date for years. The reasons are so sticky and painful, I can't really explain them in one sentence. I can say this: You can find yourself willingly staying in a cage someone else has built for you, even after the key has been slipped into the lock. Even after divorce. Even after death. It was nearly two years after my ex-husband's suicide that I finally felt OK to date again, that I was finally open to it (sort of). 

Anyway, back to the crush. At the time, I just needed a reason to believe I could still feel something, anything. A slightly faster heartbeat, the low-grade fever of an embarrassed blush. Anything to prove to myself that I wasn't ruined for all time. 

Luckily, I worked with a totally hot guy. I'm not going to say who because it might embarrass him. Not me. I don't believe in embarrassment. Embarrassment is for suckers. Plus, having Amy Bickers have a crush on you is a HUGE compliment, people. 
But everyone who knows me knows who it is. 

Sometimes, when I'm out with another friend who knows him and we're drinking and bemoaning the lack of good-looking men in  Birmingham, one of us will say, "Hey, let's look at photos of ______ on Facebook." 

Yes, we are 12-year-old girls trapped in grown women's bodies, but who gives a damn? It's so much fun and it always makes us feel happier. 

Visit one of these bloggers I'm totally crushing on: 

Related posts: 


  1. LOVE THIS.....LOVE IT. especially that video. wow. and wow.

    1. I knew you'd like that. Isn't he awesome?! I love that video so much. It makes me feel better about the world.


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