Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Rick Santorum Rhythm Is Gonna Getcha™ Method

Dear Catholic Church Leaders,

You are thinking small!

Don't stop at contraception. Rick "Bigot, Homophobe, and Time Traveler from 1850" Santorum gave you another great idea this week: You can refuse to provide insurance that covers prenatal testing because it might lead to abortion! 

And there's no reason you can't take this even further. Why should you provide insurance that covers prenatal care at all? Shouldn't the well-being of the pregnancy be entirely up to God's will? Medical science just encourages a total lack of faith.

Also, why should you provide your employees with insurance that covers treatments for diseases and health conditions caused by obesity or poor nutrition? Can't these things be linked to lifestyle choices? Isn't gluttony a sin? Yep, it is. Yea! Hypocrites for the win! 

Then let's get other employers to follow your lead. We can start with the closed-on-Sunday Chick-Fil-A restaurant chain. Why should Chick-Fil-A have to provide health insurance coverage that covers any accidents that happen on Sunday? On Sunday, you are supposed to be resting. If you chop your toes off while weed-whacking the yard, tough titty, little kitty. With a little effort, we can stop this ridiculous idea that health insurance should actually make any type of medical treatments more affordable. 

I'm sure if you guys put some energy into it, you can find all sorts of shit the bible will support so that you can provide your employees with as few affordable medical treatments as possible and continue to act like the Bishop Asshats of the world. If you work hard enough, you actually shouldn't have to provide insurance that covers anything at all! Isn't this exciting?

Oh, but wait, men might be affected by those decisions. Hmm, this is tricky. I know how you guys only really like to screw with the ladies. Not literally, of course! 

Think of it this way: All that money you'll save by providing piss-poor insurance coverage for employees will put piles of money in the coffers so you can rent dozens of U-Hauls and move even more child molesters around the country.

It's really a win-win.

Amen.

1 comment:

  1. As long as Viagra is still covered by health insurance, then I'm good.

    ReplyDelete

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